Nutter on the Bus

We had a family day out to Tynecastle on Saturday to watch Hearts play Aberdeen. This was the second fixture I had seen of these two teams this year, only this the players were Lithuanian men, rather than under 11 year old lads. A couple of people at church had season tickets and couldn't make the game themselves so we got to go.

We decided to get the park and ride bus. It's ages since I have been on a bus because I never need to go anywhere, and if I do it's usually in the car. Bus journeys are a great place to watch people, and they are also sanctuary's for nutters. Jasper Carrot once did a really good sketch called the Nutter on the Bus. It has always stuck in my memory that sketch because it is true, and here we are on the 44 from Wallyford to Gorgie when one gets on. As he got on you could see him hunting out his prey. I was sat at the back with Stuart but Emma was on her own and may has well have put a big sign on her head saying 'nutter lover'. Sure enough Ronald made a bee line for her and that was her stuck with him until one of his carers who was off duty got on the bus. She then became a distraction and we were able to rescue Emma.

Because of the tram works it took ages to get to Tynecastle and we were late. Not knowing the ground we went through the turnstiles and realised we were in the wrong end. I asked a Pole for directions but I just got a blank look. Then the senior steward ( I knew that because he spoke English) came over and started tutting because he sussed out they were not our tickets. There was no pulling the wool over his eyes that I was 'Miriam Black'. He proceeded to tell us how we could be in trouble with Lothian & Borders police...blah blah blah, but obviously realised we were actually nice people and escorted us to our seats. The game was as blustery as the weather. Lots of rowdy Aberdeen fans on the receiving end of taunts and songs about sheep! I really didn't care who won, and the 1-1 result, including a disallowed penalty made for a good game.

Back on the bus I was reminded of the other regular travellers of buses...drunks! 2 blokes absolutely steaming got on and sat at the back of the bus drinking and chatting up some poor girl who had made the mistake of sitting at the back of the bus upstairs. She might as well of put a big sign up on her head saying 'I love getting into dangerous situations that are hard to get out of'. But modern bus travel has a new feature that adds to the experience. CCTV and screens to watch what everyone else on the bus is doing. It's great, you can watch drunks without having to actually make eye contact with them and risk being drawn into inane conversation about people they hate. We finally made it back to Wallyford, our feet stinking of ale as the drunks had spilt theirs, and it was flowing up and down the bus..(at least I think it was ale...a sort of brownie yellow liquid that had a pungent smell!).

Pond Life

The old back was beginning to ease off..80% right I felt until Sunday when I went and helped out clean up the community lily pond. This involved chopping off loads of branches and trees and reclaiming a huge area that was once a pond, but has been left to ruin. There was a great sense of satisfaction in doing the clearing but all along I was ignoring the alarm bells that this might actually set my recovery back. Sure enough...'just one more log and I'm gone'. It was one log too many and now it's agony again. That said, the pilates has made a big difference and my core stability is improving slowly so I reckon I could be fit soon. I need to get fit as Emma is now running better than I am. She is looking forward to taking part in the cross country season, whereas I will be holding the coats this time. Boo!

I hate maths

Picture: O Level Pottery was really a lot of fun but completely useless to me.


I knew this would happen. Isabelle goes to secondary school and suddenly accelerates her learning and brings homework back for us to help her with. There's a fault in the system though, parents don't know how to do it. Emma has bought some books but I am already lost and feeling pretty helpless on her maths. In fact the boys are also bringing home work that I really have to scratch my head over to work out. I tried to point out to them how bad it was. At school there were O levels and below that CSE's. I got a 3 at CSE maths. 'What other subjects did you get then?' asks Andrew. 'Err well Art & English...but I went to college and got more.' 'What in?" "Art & English....and pottery". The expression of pity said it all.

What was I thinking of doing pottery? All my work was accidental as I was rubbish at it and made it up as I went along. But because the art teacher was mad, I managed to blag her that they were intentional expressions of my inner self. I also recall that the women, no matter how hard they tried not to, they kept making pots that looked like big knobs. Very expressive indeed. I had my excuses for a poor education. The teachers strike and race riots of the 1980's had a big impact on my school and academic education played second fiddle to them. I did learn how to manufacture a petrol bomb although this knowledge has yet to be used for anything useful. With the price of petrol these days I am unlikely to either.

East as much as you like

Photo: The Flying Fox

In the excitement of the marathon weekend I forgot to mention I had been away for the previous week with all the P7's in Dunbar. 133 In total. Oversized plates of energy food every 3 hours or so and hot chocolate on tap, I was glad I wasn't running on the sunday. The camp is a really good idea. All the P7's are leaving primary school and mostly going to the same secondary school. There are quite few 'wee' schools out in the villages. Schools with small gene pools but schools where the kids benefit from meeting others kids before they make the big move. So stick them all together for a week of outdoor activities and Bobs your uncle (or your dad is your uncle and grandmother as is the case in some of these villages). It works a treat and I've yet to see a better model.
My back injury prevented me from doing my early morning jogs with the hard men and indeed most of the other things I wanted to do. However, I did manage a couple of shots on the flying fox as I rightly believed the sensation of hanging in mid air might stretch my crooked back. It also earnt points with the kids who dared me to do it backwards and blindfolded and I pretended to be scared for effect. What's scary about jumping off a 30 ft platform?
On the return journey the kid in front was travel sick. Being helpful I handed him my ADSA plastic bag. ADSA being helpful put air holes in it to help your food breathe. The outcome was a small fountain of red, sour cheese smelling vomit pouring out all over the coach and the 2 kids sat wither side of the ill one. It gave me great pleasure to hand him over to his rightful owners at the end of the journey. Next year Andrew's lot go...i can't wait for that.

Bye George!

My mum and dad were up visiting with their pet lab George. He is the brother of Frank and Harold who went up to the big kennel in the sky a couple of years ago. George was on his last legs..well front ones as the back ones didn't work. He was nearly blind and miserable so it was time to let him go. Much thought went into the decision to have him put down on holiday, but one thing affirmed their plan. IT"S CHEAPER IN DUNBAR THAN MANCHESTER TO HAVE YOUR DOG BUNKED OFF!
At the vets, they explained they were on holiday. The vet said, "you must be the with that man who had his 2 labs put down last year!". How did she know? Have we got a reputation as some sort of canine serial killers? Who knows?

Anyway, not all was lost. My dad managed to fit a chair in the boot, in the space george normally occupied, and Trefor has gained a new bed, lead and a box of dog food. We had seen a taxidermist in Inverness that we had thought about contacting as I could do with a new foot stool to rest this sore leg on!

The Family Ness

Photos:
1. Our hotel room where there was pay 4 view tv!
2. The Baxters Pasta Party the night before the big one.
3. Emma glides through the finishing line under 4 hours
4. My marshaling duties
5. Trying to entice Nessies out of hiding


Well we both made it to the marathon but only Emma ran it. The old back trouble (now the left leg and groin) ruled me out. Emma however got to soak up the excitement of the pre race pasta party and expo, whilst I felt like a fraud and joined in. There was a big sign up asking for volunteers so rather than pass the next day by doing nothing but feeling sorry for myself, I put my name forward. Early night Saturday at our nice hotel...not before trying out the sauna swim jaccuzzi! Then it was a 7.00am continental breakfast for the marathoners at the hotel. Quite good really but I felt for marathon marshals like me, the full English would be more useful. Sadly that wasn't on until 7.30am so I had to over indulge on Danish pastries to get my moneys worth.

8.00am saw around 50+ buses leave in convoy to take all 2200 runners to the middle of nowhere to start the race. An impressive sight it was too. Meanwhile I reported for duty and was given my orange 'race crew' t-shirt and started off taking bookings for the 5km race. Then it was a tea break, followed by light duties of moving goody bags. This earnt me promotion to marshaling status, where I was deployed to mile 24 of the route. 'Always a lot of conflict here' said the chief marshal. It was at a junction, one of the few on route, and on a road used by those church going folk who coudn't give a toss about the marathon and insist on parking on the main route. Miserable sods, unlike those at Musselburgh who when it's the Edinburgh marathon, offer tea and coffee to spectators, runners and marshals. I had a couple of hours before the first runners would reach me, so I went for a quick 12 mile bike ride to see what was happening further up the route.

Back in position the first of the 10km runners flew past, followed an hour later by the first marathoners. Then the first conflict of the day arose when an old git wanted to park on the road I was patrolling. 'Why?' I asked. 'Because I park there every year'. Despite my newly found authority of a yellow bib, he proceeded to park there. Then arrives a coach load of Spaniards with a non English speaking driver who also wanted to park there, shortly followed by some other foreigners on a bus too big to get down that road. People trust marshals. One woman came to check when her husband was likely to pass, so that she knew how much time she had to run up a huge bill on his credit card. Others shared their medical problems, and some asked for directions. I didn't even know there was a castle in Inverness.

Steve from Dunbar came over after completing the 10km, and we went up to mile 23 and a half to see our wives pass through. Both looked good and on target for a sub 4 hour run. Then we dashed across the river via bridges to catch them at 25. I then used my power bib to get me into the VIP area and snap them both coming through the finishing line. Emma did an impressive 3:56 for her first marathon. I really did feel like a fraud as I was now limping badly. The toll of standing all day was being paid, my back was killing me. i just pretended to be one of the runners for sympathy. Then it was in for a massage and a complimentary meal, and back to the hotel. A great day was had by all and I really hope I can make it next year. Come and join us if you can.