Nutter on the Bus

We had a family day out to Tynecastle on Saturday to watch Hearts play Aberdeen. This was the second fixture I had seen of these two teams this year, only this the players were Lithuanian men, rather than under 11 year old lads. A couple of people at church had season tickets and couldn't make the game themselves so we got to go.

We decided to get the park and ride bus. It's ages since I have been on a bus because I never need to go anywhere, and if I do it's usually in the car. Bus journeys are a great place to watch people, and they are also sanctuary's for nutters. Jasper Carrot once did a really good sketch called the Nutter on the Bus. It has always stuck in my memory that sketch because it is true, and here we are on the 44 from Wallyford to Gorgie when one gets on. As he got on you could see him hunting out his prey. I was sat at the back with Stuart but Emma was on her own and may has well have put a big sign on her head saying 'nutter lover'. Sure enough Ronald made a bee line for her and that was her stuck with him until one of his carers who was off duty got on the bus. She then became a distraction and we were able to rescue Emma.

Because of the tram works it took ages to get to Tynecastle and we were late. Not knowing the ground we went through the turnstiles and realised we were in the wrong end. I asked a Pole for directions but I just got a blank look. Then the senior steward ( I knew that because he spoke English) came over and started tutting because he sussed out they were not our tickets. There was no pulling the wool over his eyes that I was 'Miriam Black'. He proceeded to tell us how we could be in trouble with Lothian & Borders police...blah blah blah, but obviously realised we were actually nice people and escorted us to our seats. The game was as blustery as the weather. Lots of rowdy Aberdeen fans on the receiving end of taunts and songs about sheep! I really didn't care who won, and the 1-1 result, including a disallowed penalty made for a good game.

Back on the bus I was reminded of the other regular travellers of buses...drunks! 2 blokes absolutely steaming got on and sat at the back of the bus drinking and chatting up some poor girl who had made the mistake of sitting at the back of the bus upstairs. She might as well of put a big sign up on her head saying 'I love getting into dangerous situations that are hard to get out of'. But modern bus travel has a new feature that adds to the experience. CCTV and screens to watch what everyone else on the bus is doing. It's great, you can watch drunks without having to actually make eye contact with them and risk being drawn into inane conversation about people they hate. We finally made it back to Wallyford, our feet stinking of ale as the drunks had spilt theirs, and it was flowing up and down the bus..(at least I think it was ale...a sort of brownie yellow liquid that had a pungent smell!).