White (middle aged) men don't rap

I went to a Christian children's musicians concert the other day with the Primary School. I was not really looking forward to it as for those of you not familiar with Christian children's worship leaders, the act usually involves a pair of ridiculous brightly coloured dunagrees and a harlequin patterned sweatshirt to try and convince kids that being a Christian makes you crazy and fun! One act popular in the 90's actually sounds like the music from the Coco Pops advert, but the lyrics are a bit more meanigful if not as sickly as the product itself. He had a whacky name too , Ishmael and I wondered what my stage name would be if I got into this scene...Rikmael perhaps? How about 'Rich T's Praise Party' or 'Isabelle's Dad's Embarrassing Praise Party'. This guy we went to see was ok... called Fischy Music after his name Fishbakker (much thought went into that one) he did some fairly thought provoking stuff and managed to neatly fit the words into the tune...unlike some of these jokers who often try and cram the book of Revelation into a bouncy chorus with funny actions. However he did come unstuck when he made the fatal mistake (in my mind) of trying to do a rap. As soon as the back to front baseball caps came out I knew what was coming...and started flicking his fingers out to da rhythm of da beat. For a moment he forgot he was a greying Scottish bloke who writes some really good stuff and is far too old and white to look like a rapper.

My protest at this sort of thing extends to other people slightly out of place singing...with one exception that I will come to. The worst culprit is the Halifax advert where bank managers forget themselves and start dancing in that odd way in the middle of the street. There's one for a magazine where the plumber and a housewife do the unspeakable thing of cramming the magazine name into a popular tune and doing a whacky dance. However only one advert gets off the hook...and that is Whites Lemonade. Probabally the original to feature this style of marketing, but undoubtedbly the best. They all revolve around the supressed urge for straight laced people to let their hair down and let it rip in public. You would never find me doing that would you?